When the Costume is Wearing Thin
Not every family celebrates Halloween. If you and your neurodiverse child or young adult DO celebrate, read on.
When he was an infant, you were delighted to put him in a pumpkin suit, lay him sleeping peacefully in the pumpkin patch, and post beautiful photos for all your friends, celebrating fall with #hastag “Perfect Little Pumpkin.”
Fast forward 5 years: you’ve dutifully purchased the costume and accessories, done the trunk-or-treat events, gone door to door, carved the jack-o-lanterns, and even eaten most of the candy.
The rest of the world has moved on to preparing turkeys and wrapping gifts, and your little Spiderman is still insisting on wearing nothing but his Spidey-suit.
You’ve pleaded and bargained and threatened and cajoled. You’re beyond frustrated and you’re sure the teacher’s giving you looks in the drop-off line. Why is he so attached to that darn costume? Doesn’t he know Halloween is just one day? Or if you’ve got several events to attend, maybe a weekend at best?
Kids of all neurotypes can get attached to Halloween costumes for many reasons.
Whole body Sensory input: Some kids crave the sensory input that a costume provides. Some kids may prefer the wide-open space inside a robot suit to their daily clothes constantly rubbing against their skin. Other kids with sensory needs may crave a costume for its snug fit. You may try providing your child with compression wear, maybe even in a size smaller than they’d typically wear, for extra compression. More than once, I’ve had kids tell me they can’t stand “the wind” on their skin. They wear their compression wear “superman pants” in several colors all winter long. If you haven’t picked up a fashion magazine lately, leggings are a whole thing now. So, who’s to judge?
Sense of Safety: It’s a big world out there; sometimes putting on a superhero costume, pretending to be a fierce animal, or taking on the role of a very brave, very smart astronaut gives a boost to a kid’s confidence. Who of us hasn’t put on a power suit and felt just a bit more able to take on the day? Kids’ emotional experiences are not different—they’re just not as attuned to the societal expectations around “typical” dress for the other 364 days of the year.
Comfort in Sameness: Besides being a big world, its darn unpredictable, especially if you’re a little human with very little control over your daily activities. Getting buckled into a seat, getting strapped into a chair, getting taken unfamiliar places… it’s just Big People doing things to me and putting me into situations All. Day. Long. Kids’ brains are wired for finding patterns. So sometimes dressing in the same outfit day after day provides a sense of reliability and predictability. For the same reason, kids can struggle to shift to different clothing when the seasons change.
Show time and place: Instead of taking away the costume or packing away all the short sleeve shirts after the first frost, try drawing a picture of where and when your child CAN wear their costume.
Church = pants. Home = Spiderman suit.
And if your little one is still clinging to their costume long after the new year, take heart. Cosplay is a real hobby for many adults, and cosplay events often happen any time of the year. So,take a deep breath. Soon enough, they’ll have their own good reasons to put on something new.
If you’re an adult in the neuromajority and find yourself sitting in church behind Captain America, or in the grocery line behind a Ninjago, or in a movie theatre next to Mario & Luigi, instead of a tsk of dismay or a gasp of disgust, try a high-five and an approving nod. The world is a better place when we ALL allow ourselves to imagine—and live into—a more expansive version of ourselves, with an extra superpower or two.